Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
