Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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