This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
