so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
