If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
