Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
