onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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