New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Everclear isn't food dammit
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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