I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
