She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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