So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
