i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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