would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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