Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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