glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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