just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
