You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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