I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
