I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
