You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I believe in your delicious
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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