I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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