Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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