The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
FUCK WHALES
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
