my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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