my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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