I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
