Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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