If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
