I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
