did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
