Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
