but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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