she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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