i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize