My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You dont lie about slip and slides
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
