apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
