Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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