You smell like stripper and shame
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
