I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
