You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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