It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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