I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
