I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
