I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
