i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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