apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
