hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this just has baby written all over it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
