At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
