Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
