What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
