she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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