so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
