i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
