In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
