you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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