"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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