just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The Olympian is in my bed
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