My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
