Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize