last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
