So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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