woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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