we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm just crazy horny about you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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