new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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