I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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