And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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