Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
