i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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