i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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