She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
