all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sorry about my life...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
