i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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