Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
