Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
