walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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