Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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