I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
