Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
