Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
