you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
