I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize