I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
