My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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