life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
