U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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