she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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