I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did I show you my penis last night?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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