obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
