Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
