I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
