I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
