thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
