I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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