Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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