is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
