at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
