THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
