obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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