so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
