I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I will pee on everything he values.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
