How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
